Who are you? This is the question I ask at the beginning of my work with leaders and often it seems to create anxiety or even confusion. Of course, who we are isn’t defined by who we say we are, it’s defined by how others experience us. We don’t see the world or others as they are, we see the world as we are.
In my early days as a leader, my team often shared I had very high expectations which they felt they could not always live up to. I had a tendency to put work before relaxation, have initiative and self-management as an expectation. I expected my model of how to work, the story I had told myself of how one succeeded in work, to become theirs. Who had I become?
The past 18 months has been a challenge and perhaps also a blessing. It’s enabled us to question ourselves and think about who we and what really matters in life.
As the child of parents who gave me lots of opportunity to watch as they grew and developed Businesses, it was inevitable that one day I would want to follow their footsteps. They worked hard for every success and picked themselves up and just got on with it when there was challenge or failure. My childhood taught me if you want something to happen, you make it happen, don’t wait for others to show the way. It taught me self-leadership. It gave me a very strong work ethic, which I am grateful for and a strong sense of independence which has served me well. It’s also a challenge! In the early days of my Leadership experience, my benchmark for others was often determined by how hard they worked and how much of that independence they demonstrated.
Our stories, patterns and filters, engraved from early childhood, shape how we make sense of this world. We see the world through our own truly magnificent neural pathways, primarily formed in the first two decades of life. However, as Adults, we have choices, once we become aware of those patterns, we can choose who we are and how we show up for others.
At the age of 32 (with 3 children and by now Company Director) I encountered a transformational moment. You know them when they appear – they interfere with your life’s path. I had a Leadership Coach working with me and I realised I had worked my way into a role that I could do well, but did not love. With his help, I began to explore who I was, why I had made the choices in my life so far and importantly, to realise I had no clarity on what I wanted in life. That transformational moment took me to where I am now, very clear on who I am and my purpose in life. I changed career, moving into the world of Coaching and Leadership development. I continue to learn all I can about how to lead in business with Head, Heart and bold Clarity to achieve extraordinary results.
What lessons have I learnt that have helped me most?
1. In leadership, nothing is more transparent than how you lead yourself.
2. Humility releases leadership that transforms people and organisations.
3. The need for clarity is paramount.
4. Great leadership of you, your life and your business, requires continual self-awareness, and a willingness to learn and grow.
5. Who you are on any given day or moment has impact on your own performance, and your teams’ performance.
6. Too many times I’ve allowed my response to negatively impact the outcome.
7. Too many times I’ve argued to be right, when it was more important to be loving or kind.
8. How many of my old habits and patterns come from the need to be independent, in control, I am a recovering Controller.
9. Old habits die hard. They still show up…But I have a choice.
So here we are at the back end 2021- You will soon have set goals for 2022 . I encourage you to check you have set goals for not just what you will achieve, but also for who you will become along the way.
I have met many leaders in my time in business, if there was a formula for becoming a great leader, I’d have had it bottled. However, what I know, above all is that who you are, matters.
A Great leader?
Their Character is deeper, Ideas fresher, Spirit softer, Courage greater, Leadership decisions better, Concerns wider, Compassion more genuine. They give away power and Ask great questions.
They understand the key role of a leader is to create other Leaders. They strive for Clarity, leading from within with great self-awareness, operating both Head and Heart Leadership.
Who are you?